Mada Hayyas
4 min readJan 18, 2024

So the first thing you have to do is accept that, despite appearances, you’re not all that different than most people your age. The mid to late 20s are often an apex of friendless desperation. To make matters worse, people feel very self-conscious about their friendlessness at that age, as if everything should’ve fallen into place a long time ago. Considering how often urban, is there any creature alive with higher, more impossible standards than a 28 year old? The only difference between a 28 year old woman and a 38 year old woman is that one of them tries to hide how few friends she has, and the other will email you out of the blue and demand to hang out after meeting you for exactly four seconds in a room full of retired people and divorced people and new moms.

The late 30s woman knows that it’s no big deal to want to make new friends. Maybe it won’t be a life-changing time, or maybe you’ll be acquaintances, or maybe you’ll be vacationing together down the road. It’s worth a shot. So the second thing I want you to know is that, in order to make very close friends in a natural, organic way, you have to cast a wide net and be accepting and give it time. You can’t use the aggressive, early twenty something’s tactics, because it poisons the whole process to believe that you’re trying to hunt and trap the perfect BFE. Scrape those curly fries out of your mind. Some of your closest, lifelong friends may not seem like close, lifelong friends for the first five or six years you know them. Seriously. It takes time to figure out who matters, who listens, who tells the truth, who comes through in a pinch, who’s down to earth, who appreciates you and accepts your flaws, who says the right thing at the right time, and who makes sense all around.

Women are expected to absorb traumas both subtle and loud and move on. Shoulder the weight of the world. But when the world fucks with us, the worst thing we can do is bury it. Embracing it makes us strong enough to fuck the world right back. — Seven Days In June by Tia Williams

Every once in a while I have these moments where it feels like time has collapsed in on itself and the pain I’m feeling now is being felt by every version of me who isn’t me and is and was and I’m scared of dying and I’m scared a man will hurt me again and I feel completely out of place and I think of Marie Antoinette and in that moment we are the…